


Flirtatious

by Nnoitra



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, M/M, This is my first fma fanfic i've ever uploaded I think, ages not specified because i forgot to, but Ed is probably in his twenties since thats the image i had in my head when I was writing this, dumb ass flirting, its not really even pickup lines more like..., not much Al in this one sadly, somewhat sexual pickup lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 15:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14047464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nnoitra/pseuds/Nnoitra
Summary: Shitty pick up lines almost always do the trick.





	Flirtatious

**Author's Note:**

> So it's been a while... A lot has happened and so I've put some info in my bio about it, but if you have questions or more details just PM me and I'll get around to answering quicker than I used to.   
> Anyway, I have fucking adored FMA for so many years but I've never been able to complete a single gosh darn fanfic for it even though I tried so many times? I mostly attempted writing Edvy, but lately my interests have shifted back to RoyEd for the time being. So here, have this poor attempt at writing; Technically as I write this I haven't even started the fic itself but I know it's going to be bad because, as usual, I'm starting it at nearly 3:00AM. Classic me. BTW it's set sort 2010? I mean they can text and there's no mention of alchemy and stuff.

  
**..-. .. .-. ... - / - .. -- .**

 

"You know, I'm starting to get sick of you slamming every poor unfortunate door that has to withstand your presence." Roy says, looking up from (not) doing his paperwork as one certain Elric brother stares him down with an icy glare, "These doors are going to have to take paid leave to the carpenter every time you barge your way in here."

 

Edward makes it a point to slowly open the door again only to slam it as loud as he can. "I guess at this rate the doors are going to get more days off than you are." He grins, and yet somehow his glare remains in place.

 

Roy snorts, "What will I have to do to get the same vacations as these battered doors, Fullmetal?" he says, subconciously folding someone's mission report into a paper plane."Surely I deserve more time off than these doors, despite how much they've been through since you joined the military."

 

"I'd have to slam you pretty hard for you to get even half a day off, you lazy bastard." Edward says, grin faltering after a second, "wait, that came out wrong. Aw hell, you know what I mean."

 

Roy is quiet for a second before grinning that shit-eating grin, "Like you could slam me hard enough to get even 10 measly minutes off."

 

  
"You sayin' I'm incompetent?" Edward growls, "Shithead, I'm plenty capable."

 

"Is that an offer?" Roy grins, "Or a simple wishful thought?"

 

"You know what? You don't deserve this report." Edward says, waving the bundle of papers in the air, "I'm leaving."

 

Edward makes a point of stomping out of the room, for once forgetting to slam the door.

 

Al silently pretends he didn't see anything.

 

**... . -.-. --- -. -.. / - .. -- .**

 

A month later finds Edward and Roy in reception, one there to fill out a property damage insurance policy and the other oh so casually avoiding paperwork duties altogether.

 

"Hmm? What's this, Fullmetal? Destroyed people's doors? Whose doors? The lovely old lady down the street who owns the grocer? Maybe the baker? Maybe it was even-" Roy didn't get a chance to continue as Edward cuts him off.

 

"I didn't bust any doors, asshole. It was a window." Edward grumbles, quietly adding "or ten."

 

"You sure do have a knack for destroying public property." Roy grins, "I just hope these expenses don't keep piling up or we're both going to get in trouble."

 

"Oh shut up, I'll destroy your ass if you don't stop hounding me all the time." Ed pauses, "Oh for fucks sake."

 

"Destroy my ass, huh? I don't think you have it in you." Roy smirks, "Or, well, in me."

 

Edward just gapes at him before quickly finishing up signing his name on the paper and thrusting it at the somewhat bewildered receptionist before hobbling out the door without so much as a backwards glance at Roy.

 

**\- .... .. .-. -.. / - .. -- .**

**[2:34 pm- unknown number]:** Hey Fullmetal   
**[2:34 pm- unknown number]:** I hope to be full of your metal   
**[2:35 pm- unknown number]:** (fingers)  
 **[2:44 pm- TO unknown number]:** id ask who the fuck this is and how you got this number but...  
 **[2:44 pm- TO unknown number]:** i know it's you colonel shithead  
 **[2:46 pm- unknown number]:** How do you know it's me?  >:]  
 **[2:46 pm- unknown number]:** Wait  
 **[2:46 pm- unknown number]:** Shit  
 **[2:46 pm- unknown number]:** You might not have actually known it was me, and yet I gave it away myself.  
 **[2:47 pm- unknown number]:** Consider me caught.  
 **[2:48 pm- TO unknown number]:** what the hell do you want  
 **[2:50 pm- unknown number]:** Actually I need that report you so valiantly took with you after the 'Slamming me and the doors' incident.

  
_**{Contact added- Shithead Ratbag}** _

  
**[2:52 pm- TO Shithead Ratbag]:** that's all? it was due like a month ago why did it take you so long to ask for it  
 **[2:53 pm- Shithead Ratbag]:** My mind works in mysterious ways, Fullmetal. You may never understand.  
 **[2:55 pm- TO Shithead Ratbag]:** so in other words you were being lazy as fuck as per usual and now you're in trouble  
 **[2:56 pm- Shithead ratbag]:** You know me so well  >;] we might as well have our wedding right here in my office with all it's lovely furnishings, paperwork and broken door.

  
_**{You block Shithead Ratbag}** _

 

**..-. --- ..- .-. - .... / - .. -- .**

 

"You know, Fullmetal, you never gave me a yes or no answer." Roy says as Edward all but throws the report at his smug face.

 

"I'd ask 'yes or no for what?', but I know exactly what you're referring to do and the answer is no." Edward says, flinging himself onto the couch in Roy's office, "Besides, what the hell would you want to marry me for?"

 

"Hmm, you're right." Roy grins, "I guess I have higher standards when I choose my partners."

 

"Oh you FUCKER," Edward growls, launching himself over the desk to strangle Roy, "I will kill you." He hisses.

 

"Jeez, fuck- I'm sorry!" Roy grumbles, raising his hands in defense, "Guess I took it too far?"

 

"Way to far! Consider yourself lucky you're still breathing." Edward says, glaring daggers at Roy.

 

Roy gets up and dusts himself off before heading for the door, "I'm going to grab lunch, but hey, if it's any consolation I do think you're pretty dateable." and before Edward can get a word in, Roy is gone.

 

Edward's face is a deep crimson and feels slightly glad that Al is not here to tease him about it.

 

**..-. .. ..-. - .... / - .. -- .**

 

For once, the door doesn't slam open. A nervous looking Edward pokes his head around the corner, "Hey, shithead? Are you free?"

 

Roy looks up, "Yes, I am. What's wrong? Is everything alright?" He feels like teasing Edward wouldn't be good to do right now, he doesn't seem in the mood for games.

 

Edward slips into the room and gently closes the door behind himself before making his way over to the couch and seating himself comfortably. "So... as you may or may not know, it's my birthday today, and I was wondering if..."

 

"If...?" Roy prompts after Edward falls into silence.

 

"If... MaybeYouWouldLikeToHangOut...or...something." Edward scrambles to get it all out as fast as he can.

 

"What?" Roy asks, he genuinely did not hear a single word of that garble.

 

"Date... you know... go on... with me." Edward tries to calm his nerves as best he can. "Go on.. a date with me... for my birthday today."

 

"Are you only interested because I said you were dateable? If so that's shallow even for you, Fullmetal." Roy frowns. "I meant everything I said."

 

"You bastard, it's not like that." Edward growls. "I was interested before but... I wasn't sure if you were just joking around or actually serious. Now I'm pretty sure you're serious."

 

Roy sighs, "I see. In that case, yes Fullmetal, I'll go on a date with you."

 

Edward tries not to grin too hard, "Just call Ed."

 

**... .. -..- - .... --..-- / .- -. -.. / ..-. .. -. .- .-.. / - .. -- .**

**[[..-. .. ...- . / -.-- . .- .-. ... / .-.. .- - . .-.]]**

 

"Hey, Roy? I'll take you up on that offer now." Edward says, scrolling through his old phone for nostalgic purposes.

 

"Which one? The dinner at my aunt's or the one where I offered to cook you dinner but you so politely refused and said you'd only eat pizza tonight?" Roy asks.

 

Edward hands the phone over to him, "No I meant this one."

 

Roy stays silent for a moment before glancing at Edward, "But I don't even have a ring yet."

 

Edward grins, "Well then let's go buy one."

 

"We'd need two actually, just to clarify." Roy smirks, scooting over to hug Edward.

 

"You know, it's funny. All those years ago I spent slamming doors when I could have just been slamming you and then maybe we'd have been doing this last year, or even earlier." Ed grins, "I sure wasted some good opportunities back then. Can't believe it's been 5 years already."

 

"Has it been worth it for you? It sure as hell has been worth it for me." Roy says, leaning his head on Edward's shoulder.

 

"More than you could imagine." Edward says, stealing a kiss.

 

Edward never mentions that the only reason he had the guts to confess in the first place was because a certain brother of his told him that if he didn't get off his ass and do something about his crush then it would never sort itself out and they would spend their whole lives skirting around each other with stupid flirting and mischievous banter.

 

Edward always remembers to mentally thank Al for his behind the Scenes GodWork.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I'm happy with the first part but got less happy with it towards the middle and end. It is now 4:30 Am and I am going to pass out but I am determined to upload this.


End file.
